What's Yours?

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Artist Showcase – Bill Erickson

Bill Erickson Painting photo credit 8th Deadly Sin – Commissioned
Bill Erickson Painting. Personal Collection of C.E.
Bill Erickson Painting. Personal Collection of C.E.
Bill Erickson Painting. Personal Collection of C.E.

Bill Erickson works with multiple mediums, primarily acrylic and charcoal.

The End.

CBT Journaling – 6 – Mindreading

OOOHHHHH I am guilty of this one. I have been challenging this thinking with great focus this last year or so. Mindreading, in the context of self schema logical fallacies, is the assumption I am being judged and I know exactly what someone is thinking about me.

Which is impossible. Not logical. Even someone like me who is hypersensitive, trusts her gut to a fault, literally fault, and has a good sense of people, cannot legit read minds. I don’t know the history a person has that explains some of their thought patterns. I do not know if they are having a good day or bad day before I came into the picture. I do not know, with intimate knowledge, their experience of me.

It annoys me to no end that I read resting bitch face as always about me as I also have permanent resting or active bitch face. I should know better. Most time I am just lost in my own mind or actively wrangling thoughts in my brain farm. Which results in a sour face apparently. I very much need to do a better job giving people the benefit of the doubt…assume innocence.

Mindreading is generally negative. If I MUST do this, if WE must do this, maybe we should assume they are thinking the best of us.

It’s not, of there’s that B who lives on the corner, how about “it’s that gardener who lives on the corner.”

I’m also the house with the tulips every spring.

I’m the girl with that adorable puggle.

I’m the lady with that new car.

I’m the lady who walked home a lost little girl.

I’m the woman with that husband who is an artist.

I’m the girl with all the plants in the window.

“Hey, it’s the woman who loves to water her lawn”

“I think I always see her walking”

“I wonder what I should have for dinner”

There are so many stories I tell myself, I think it is worth the work to assume they are telling the true stories of who I am. If I have to think an expression or behavior has something to do with me, make it a positive!

But I am not a mind-reader, so it is likely that the behavior I am interpreting has nothing to do with me at all.

The End

thoughts – Headphones Make Good Neighbors

I want my headphones to be seen. I have some trashy neighbors with dogs who aren’t bark trained. Been almost a decade, no training for the dogs except yelling at them to be quiet. *rolling eyes* I don’t want to hear these people, and I don’t want to chat with these people. The tacky crap in the yard and the literal dog crap that gets tracked into their house because they don’t often pick it up, yuck. It’s a whole ass list. Now that they have pissed off half the neighborhood, they will be more driven to reach out and pretend to be neighborly to the few people who don’t run into the house when they come outside. Well, they can fuck all the way off. Headphones are the universal symbol for Fuck Off, Don’t Talk to Me. Reason One headphones make good neighbors. I don’t need these people living rent free in my mind, ever. I don’t want to accidently on purpose say what they need to hear. Not my place nor my job. And I love my music. And my other neighbors. Reason one for headphones outside.

Neighbor 2 is lonely and since last year, has decided I need to chat with them every time I am outside when they are, and, like me, they were always outside last summer. Every day. Mornings, afternoons and evenings. And night when I wanted some chill patio time with my man.

Neighbor is nice enough, and I greatly enjoy our conversations, in small doses. Neighbor has lived an interesting life and I often enjoy other opinions about things. Nothing personal, but when I am outside, I usually have shit to do, or wish to get lost in my own little world. Privacy fence doesn’t work, as neighbor can easily see and chat from a favorite spot on their deck. I tell neighbor I need to get back to work and they just keeps on talking. And talking. I start walking away. STILL TALKING. No, pretty sure neighbor isn’t on the spectrum, something I am familiar with. Just very social and pretty lonely since they lost their job. I talk to them hours some days. Standing there in the sun. Neighbor has friends, but I guess the need to chat outpaces the supply of people available to listen. Makes sense, as I am housewife-available, have stuff to talk about and am literally right there most days.

I do my best to be a good friendly neighbor myself, but as an introvert? Sometimes the expectation to chat with anyone all the time is quite stressful. I am very honest, too honest. I don’t do the white lie thing, prefer to be direct and am just too much of an open book sometimes. So I try to watch for neighbor and time my garden time to when neighbor is not available but neighbor decided to wait to look for work and turned down the one job they were offered. So they are outside, all the time. And why not? Summers here are prime outdoor time! Neighbor a proud bootstraps republican, so I had to endure daily speeches where they felt the need to expound in determined detail why they were different than all the other people who didn’t work. I never required the explanation, nor inquired often about neighbor not working. It’s not my business, frankly.

I am not one of those live-to-work people. The first thing I say about people is never “hard-working”, like your dedication to an entity that doesn’t give a shit about you is of prime importance or a determining factor of your character. More interested in people who protect and defend the neediest of their community, are generous, kind-hearted. Please, when I die, I hope those traits are firstly expressed when one asks about who I was. Fuck outta here with “hard-working” being the most important trait in a human being. Lucky people work primarily to be social; work friends are a welcome bonus. The rest of the world works in exchange for money to pay bills. Want to impress me? Tell me about how you work smarter, not harder.

ok, stepping off the soapbox…sorry-ish.

So, this year, in case neighbor is still not employed and outside all the time ready to chat, and because I love learning new things, I’ve discovered a bounty of audio material and podcasts I can listen to while I garden. With breaks to chat with neighbor, of course, as they are lovely. I simply can’t chat all the time.

Let’s see…perhaps a business marketing course? There would have a lot of business and marketing podcasts to listen to and write about, I would assume. Sign me up!


Headphones make good neighbors.

The End

CBT Journaling – 5 – Overgeneralizing

Previous Entry

This journal we build on the mental habits that can hurt our self-schemas. Last journal we covered the cognitive distortion of black and white, all or nothing thinking. Today we explore Overgeneralization.

Overgeneralization, for me, ties into all or nothing thinking. In example, I am trying to make healthier choices. I try to stay within my eating window. Yesterday I abandoned my eating window completely, as it was Thanksgiving. If I assume that this one setback guarantees failure, that is over generalization. One mistake does not mean anyone is a failure. One day off my diet plan does not mean I may as well be unhealthy til my early death as I can’t stay on plan.

I recommend taking a moment to think about times you may have assigned greater meaning to a mistake or difficult situation. Write those situations down and rewrite the meaning of that event. Consequences do not mean failure.

Overgeneralization assumes a larger meaning to an event than is reasonable or rational. I am not forever doomed because I had a hard day. And neither are you.

One helpful exercise I often use is to segment a challenge into sections. First, play the numbers game. A day is only 1/7th of a week. One off track day does not have to derail the whole damn plan. 6 days on path isn’t as good as 7, but it’s far better than zero!

If I have a negative morning where nothing seems to go right, realize it’s only one of four quarter of the game (day). Just because the first quarter went to shit doesn’t mean the other three will.

There are a lot of small mind tricks you can use to reset your thinking after a negative event. I hope one of my over generalization tricks helps you.

Thank you for listening.

The End

thoughts…reddit anonymity

reddit. This is a short article providing some basic actions you can take to increase your chances of being truly anonymous on reddit, or elsewhere.

Many of the users of reddit like it because very little personal info is used to sign up (email address) and you can choose a username completely unrelated to your real life should you wish. It can give a sense of being genuinely anonymous. Personally, I disagree that reddit is truly anon as people are doxxed (real information revealed) often. If you are a frequent user of reddit, you will often see other users call out a profile they think is fake. Additionally, users will actively research your sub and comment history in an attempt to find out who you are. Why is this important, to cloak who you are? It’s only important if you want it to be.

It’s often not that difficult to find out a person’s identity by examining details left in their post history. One of my siblings used a very unique username that was a flashing strobe light clearly identifying them. Yeah, I let them know. I’d want to know. Step one signing up to reddit. If you wish to be truly anon, choose a username nobody would ever connect to anything you do or are in real life. Do not use a username you are connected with elsewhere.

The subs one comments or subscribes to reveal MUCH about a person. If I post to the Iowa City sub, r/conservatives and r/deadbedroom? Just those three says quite a lot about who I might be. My r/iowacity comments might reveal what part of town I live in, where my kids go to school and where I work. Someone moving? They might ask where the best place is to live in a city. People respond with the school their kids go to, the restaurants they like, where everyone works and the part of a walking trail on the west side they like best. People give away a lot of information. I will go back from time to time and delete comments I feel are too revealing.

One way to cloak yourself is to obscure details. I have a different number of children, if any at all, depending on the comment. As I have lived many different places, I reference all of them , including the details I know of the cities within the comments. I also sub to topics that have nothing to do with me in real life. Think I am a convertible fanatic with four kids from Nashville? Ok lol. Ask ten people to review my post history and tell you who I am, you’ll get ten different profiles. I rarely post to my home city sub, and if I do, it’s only under one profile.

Many people post photos from an imgur account. Perhaps you are careful about your reddit information, yet you linked your imgur and all the content posted on imgur is available to anyone able to view the linked information. Photographs of your kids in front of their school, or pictures of your home landscaping, with visible street signs or home numbers may reveal who you are. I have never posted a picture to reddit in all the years I have participated there. The fewer links you post to reddit, the easier you make it on yourself should you wish to remain anonymous.

Another way to cloak who you are. Have multiple profiles/usernames depending on purpose. If you are discovered, you can delete the profile and abandon it. As many subs have a minimum number of karma (fake internet points given to your username if someone likes your comment) to even post at all, it’s nice to have another username with karma so you can post a comment. Karma apparently is a big deal to many reddit users, but honestly the ability to comment is the only benefit I can see. Someone doesn’t like what I have to say and downvotes me? I genuinely do not care. I don’t even know who these people are. Unless and until I get checks cut based on my karma, upvote or downvote away.

Literally fake internet points.

There is, however, a market where if you have a lot of karma, you can sell your username to another person/entity. As higher karma usernames can be considered more legit, businesses will often purchase an established username for marketing purposes. I like having all my usernames so not interested.

The subs I visit most often this week…


…or do I?

Sub: on reddit it’s a subject page. Example: https://www.reddit.com/r/Omaha/
The sub is Omaha. On the Omaha sub you’ll find a list of post or topics pertaining to Omaha, similar to a message board.


The End

CBT Journaling – Logical Errors in Thinking – 4

A continuation of the work built upon Part Two CBT Journaling, sentence completion. If you are working along with me, grab your notebook. We are exploring the different kinds of logical thinking errors in parts 4-15.

Part Three CBT Work
  1. Black and White Thinking.

    Life is genuinely shades of grey. When you catch yourself saying Always/Never or Good/Bad, is that true? Let us challenge our thinking. If I have a day where it feels like the world is against me, is that true? Is the entire world actually conspiring against my happiness? If I think so, what evidence is available to support that assumption?

    This all or nothing thinking is also an opportunity to refer back to Part Two – Assuming Innocence. Not everything negative that happens to me is intentional. We are not the center of the universe. Most other people, even people who seem happy all the time, have their struggles. Their world centers around their experience, not mine. Is it possible that a person’s reaction to me is about how I interact with them? Perhaps. Could also be this poor person already had a series of mishaps throughout the day that left lucky me present when they reached the end of their personal rope. We all take our turn being at the end of somebody else’s rope.

    Black and white thinking can also damage how we see ourselves. Very few people are all bad or all good. Humans are complex; we react to the positive and negative experiences and feedback we receive in this life. The fact that I am doing the work to be a better human demonstrates goodness, even when I get stuck ruminating about past trauma. If even one person reads my writing and comes away feeling comforted, understood or open to positive change, I have added some good into the universe.

My exercise to to continue to challenge all or nothing, black and white thinking. If it isn’t true, why say it? It’s far more difficult to internalize illogical thinking if I refuse to give it space in my mind in the first place.


The End

thoughts – onlyfans a rip off?

Depends on the creator I guess Maybe I am a boobie noobie. Is this common?

I found a woman’s page on reddit, every interesting looking, who was very pretty and had some of the look The Sps likes. Curly dark hair, small waist curving into a very generous ass, cute little nips. Plus another feature that is his preference *cough*. I went ahead and subbed to her OF as a surprise for the hubby.

She showed a lot of herself on reddit (and I mean a lot) and she had a special on OF for 3$ monthly subscription, cancel any time. Subscription went to $9 a month after. I believe strongly that one should be compensated for their work, and that includes sex work. I figured for 10$ a month, you might get some slightly more explicit pictures than you saw on reddit, significantly more content tamer content overall, or access to chat/having conversations. Turns out reddit had the most explicit photographs…for free. I received emails, but nothing personal, simply a daily link to spend more money to see something slightly more explicit…I assume.

So I showed my husband the photos she had, only took a minute or so to scroll through them as there weren’t that many. He liked the photos, as I knew he would. Yet he wondered, as I did, what I paid for as he saw the more explicit reddit content for free. And much of the OF content was already on her page on reddit.

Then I cancelled the subscription.

I think a smarter strategy, and one that makes the client feel like their money had value, and keep them subscribing $$$, is to use reddit as a teaser and save the more explicit content for those who pay for it. Felt like a bait and switch. I wasn’t willing to pay more just to be suckered again by the extra video content. Probably her pointing at the screen wearing a gotcha bitch tank top. Not my niche.

As the revered Bell Biv DeVoe declared, never trust a big butt and a smile.

thoughts – Sin I Fight Today

Gluttony. I’ll be seeing this one a lot.

Tools I used to fight today:

-Leaving something on the damn plate. Successful, I had 2 tacos, 14 potato ole’s and half a pop.

-Not going to my favorite restaurant. Done.

-Distraction. So far so good. I’ve done my writing, some cleaning and spent quality time with The Sps.


-whining about how good food is all the time.

-being the one who grocery shops in the house. I also menu plan. And clean the fridge. I want to be the one to handle these tasks but it’s not the best for eating better. I know where all the snacks are buried.

-Partner in crime. We are working on, with limited success, saying no to going out to eat, buying snacks ect but we both really like making a candy run to Walgreens.

-New car. Grabbing food always a great reason to take it out for a spin and hang out with The Sps and good music in the sweet new ride.

That’s enough obsessing today.

I wish you all well with whatever you are struggling with today.

CBT Journaling – Example of CBT Self Schema Homework – 3

A core tenet of CBT therapy is the value of homework, or work done outside the office of a therapist. Just as it sounds. Homework can consist of habit building and skill building behaviors, journaling in the form of a diary to track harmful thought patterns or what I am doing here in the website. There are CBT worksheets, literal homework assigned by the therapist.

CBT is greatly assisted by a notebook and a pen, two of my favorite things.

A main exercise of CBT is to challenge our unhelpful thoughts, and engage in more healthful behavior, the result being a calmer mind and a healthier body.

Concept: Self schema.

Per Miriam Webster Dictionary – “a mental codification of experience that includes a particular organized way of perceiving cognitively and responding to a complex situation or set of stimuli” More broadly, a “framework”.

A self schema are our beliefs about who we are. A negative self-schema would be self shaming thoughts i.e. I deserve to be ignored, or I’ll never be smart. Many times a negative self schema arises from childhood or other trauma and has been with us for decades, or since as far back as we can remember.

A positive self schema is reasonable, and forgiving. You make mistakes, because it is human to do so, yet you are still a good person. Perhaps when bad things happen in your life, you are able to separate who you are from what you had to do in that moment to make it though that trauma.

Thinking poorly of ourselves, are having a more negative self schema can make a person more susceptible to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. It can be hard to truly enjoy life when at your core, you don’t think you deserve to.

Exercise – Sentence Completion

Purpose – to reveal the schema’s you mentally operate under.

  1. When I consider my future, I think….. I am behind, and cannot do it alone. I am glad I have my spouse, we are damaged together.
  2. I think the world is…. Unfair and filled with unkind morons. We need more helpers. I am grateful for every single one we do have.
  3. I am the kind of person who…. Wants justice for all, but knows what that means for me if justice ever really comes for all.
  4. People are…. often damaged by the restrictions of their culture. Better when you can connect one on one.

Man, I could complete these sentences for days. I will say my view on some aspects of life are far more positive than they were even a few years ago. Clearly I have a way to go.

I will set this aside for now and think on it. Will resume in a day or so. Thanks for listening, silent reader.

The Pup – Puggle

Breed: Puggle

Name: Django Chicharron Mr. Dookie. Was going to name him Strudel but it didn’t fit.

Personality: Energetic, curious, loves to do tricks for treats. Eats poop.

Age: Born January of 2020. Covid pup.

He’s a snuggly love! But get his kisses at your own risk.

The Pup photo credit C.Elisabeth
The Pup Photo Credit C.Elisabeth
The Pup and Mom Photo Credit C.Elisabeth
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