“a state of mind resulting from romantic attraction, characterized by feelings of euphoria”

Do you have any idea how long I have been looking for the word that encapsulated my experience? A decade. A decade of telling people who insisted otherwise that it wasn’t love. It wasn’t love, I knew it then and I know it now. Love wants the best for the other. Love wants to recognize all the needs of the other. Love IS kind to the other. It wasn’t simple obsession, as it wasn’t one sided, it was fed. There was intent, from both sides. It wasn’t simple addiction, although if I look at the impact and my behavior, it’s the closest explanation. But what was I addicted to, exactly?

It was lightning in a bottle, the hazy chemicals of OCD and attachment security issues and a driving need swirling inside, charged from the outside.

I had no idea of what was in that damn bottle. Did he? Maybe. He reads people, manipulates outcomes for a living, and does it superbly.

Noted psychologist Albert Wakin defines limerence as a combination of OCD and addiction, like living in a state of compulsory longing.

Does it ever end? YES. I am in full recovery from my limerence episode.

Sources:

https://www.anxiety.org/limerence-and-relatonship-based-ocd-symptoms-and-treatments#:~:text=Limerence%20exists%20as%20a%20constant,similar%20to%20those%20of%20OCD.

The End, kinda